Archive for the ‘Losses’ Category

Abandonment

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

I just told friends that I am saying a prayer for those who have gone through abandonment. 

Some people think abandoment only happens when someone physically picks up and leaves.  What they do not always understand is abandonment comes in many forms.

I’ve found many people who have suffered what it’s like to have someone withdraw their love, duty, support, or kindness from them.  When someone withdraws their love from the other person they are abandoning them.  This abandonment can happen even when people are living together. 

A woman leaves her husband or a husband leaves the wife but if you hear both sides of the story you are apt to find that they separated long before anyone physically left the marital home.  The woman may have left in the physical sense but the man may have left her feeling as though he abandoned her long before she walked out the door.

A child may be left to take care of responsibilities at home while the parents busy themselves with a career.  If the child is not given the support they need and if the responsibility left on their shoulders is too difficult of a task they may feel abandoned and overwhelmed.

A family may suffer the loss of a family member due to death or divorce.  Their church family may not bother to call them or check on them.  They will probably also feel abandoned.

In Isaiah 54 God basically tells us that God will be the Husband that takes care of us.  There may have been times in life when we felt distressed in spirit or abandoned.  God says to us that He knows about our times of rejection and He will bring us back.  He will have compassion on us.

Isaiah 54:5-8 “For your Maker is your husband—
       the LORD Almighty is his name—
       the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
       he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back
       as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
       a wife who married young,
       only to be rejected,” says your God.”For a brief moment I abandoned you,
       but with deep compassion I will bring you back.In a surge of anger
       I hid my face from you for a moment,
       but with everlasting kindness
       I will have compassion on you,”
       says the LORD your Redeemer.”

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What Love Is & What It Is Not

Monday, July 19th, 2010

If you read from I Corinthians Chapter13 you will be reading the Love Chapter. 

 1Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

 2And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

 3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

 4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

 5Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

 6Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

 7Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

 8Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

 9For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

 10But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

 11When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

 12For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

 13And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

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I met a group of people that love the Lord.  They also found out that there are abusive people who use the Word of  God to try to trap people in relationships or marriages.  These unGodly people are expecting the ones that love the Lord to follow God’s Word but they do not plan on following God’s Word themselves.  Here are some things the decent people  are telling one another so they know it is not God’s will for people to stay in abusive relationships:

Love is not abusive.  (Love does not behave itself unseemly.)

Love does not demand it’s own way. (Love seeketh not her own.)

Love does not threaten harm. (Love is kind.)

Love does not rant and rave. (Love is patient & kind.)

Love does not criticize in order to puff self up. (Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.)

Love does not blame the other person for things you do that are wrong. (Love rejoiceth in the truth & is kind. Love rejoiceth not in inquity.)

Love does not justify wrong doing.  (Love rejoiceth not in iniquity.)

Love does not bruise bodies, hit/strike people, throw  things at you, push you around, bully you, break things.  (Love is kind.)

Love does not tell lies.  (Love rejoiceth in the truth.)  Love is honest. 

Love does not manipulate words &/or circumstances to try to get it’s own way.  (Love seeketh not her own.)

Love does not easily get angry. (Love  is not easily provoked.)

Love does not show love one minute & contempt a few minutes later. (Love is faithful.)

 

********************** IF someone tells you they love you yet they treat you in  a manner that does not prove they are walking in love  walk away from them.  You do not have to take the abuse. 

 

 

 

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

Last Sunday at church the Pastor talked about the Holy Spirit of God.

As he shared Scriptures and encouraged us about the power of the Holy Spirit I pondered on the fact that God said He’d send us the Comforter.

God’s Holy Spirit is the Comforter. Oh How I praise Him for sending us help and comfort. No one can heal or help us the way God can.

Praise the name of the Lord! Bless His name forever more.

Joy Loses Her Happiness

Friday, July 10th, 2009

Joy was born and adopted into our family when she was about 8 weeks old. 

She was very small.  She was so small they photographed her sitting in a teacup.  Her Daddy was only 2 1/2 pounds when he was full grown.  We were told Joy would not shed hair.  Her Yorkie Daddy and her Yorkipoo Mommy were said to be the kind of dogs that wouldn’t shed much at all.  As I stood holding the little pup she left shiny black hair all over the top of my shirt.  Ha…… Sure she wouldn’t shed!

We brought Joy to our home.  Beth became her owner.  Beth was supposed to take care of her but I was so used to tending to small ones that I felt an immediate urgency to take care of this tiny little dog.  Joy was so small we had her sleep in a box that once held Sprite cans so there was less chance of her being crushed when she slept in my bed beside me.  It was her first night with us and I knew she was probably lonely.

The next day we had to go away.  We still didn’t want her to be lonely but we had to purchase things we were going to need like a collar, a leash, and dog food.  This was a whole new adventure for us picking out a fresh new puppy to call our own. 

We had dogs other people didn’t want before and those dogs all had severe problems.  We found out why the other owners didn’t want those other dogs.  One of them attacked the birds we had trying to eat the birds and it also didn’t care for obeying the owners so it was apt to bite people.  That dog had to go quickly.  Then there was the dog that about left a scar on Bob’s face.  One other dog was given to us with so many health problems that we were going to have to spend a lot of money on the old dog’s care before we had a chance to fall in love with it and it also was so old the children weren’t able to play with it.  If you are going to give an old sick dog away please warn the new family in advance and consider the fact that it’s probably not best to give such a dog to a family with small children. 

Now we got Joy the little black 3/4 Yorki & 1/4 Poo dog.  We asked the neighbor woman to take care of Joy while we went to the store.  We didn’t even have a kennel for her yet.  Olivia was happy to watch Joy for us.

When we got back home Olivia let us use her hamster cage.  She found that the hamster cage was plenty big enough to hold our new treasure.

Joy was so small you could hardly see her if she got underfoot.  I almost trampled on her many times.  One time I was walking out of the kitchen going into the family room while Joy was leaving the hallway entering the same spot of the family room traveling into the same area where I was going.  Sure enough I didn’t see Joy and she didn’t see me and the end of my foot caught the small body of the little dog.  To my surprise Joy went flying across the family room towards the front door. 

Have you ever seen your Joy go flying across a room?  I was quite upset.  I didn’t want my Joy hurt.

Since I started out mothering Joy the way I did Joy thought I was her own treasure.  She sort of followed me wherever I went and she loved being petted.  No wonder small dogs were used as lap dogs.  I wanted to get my work done but it wasn’t easy with this little dog wanting my attention all the time.  I realized that it was time to let Beth take on her responsibility of taking more care of Joy because I had already tended to small children plenty of times.  It just didn’t seem right for me to take on the full responsibility of a dog now.

Beth worked with her dog so well.  Even though Joy could attach to any kind person easily she started to attach herself to Beth.  Beth dutifully took on each and every responsibility tending to her new dog. 

Bob decided he wanted a dog, too.  His own dog was what he had to have.  We found out that Joy had a half sister.  Her half sister would have the same little Yorki Daddy but a different Mommy.  We decided that a Yorki-Maltese would be just fine.

Bob had named Joy after his favorite song called Joy to the World.  Jason named the next dog when he found out we called the first dog JOY JOY more often than just calling her Joy.  Jason said if we already had a Joy Joy our next dog should become Happy Happy.  I had no idea there was a strange cartoon show that had a Happy Happy and a Joy Joy in it so the next dog was called Happy.  The original owner named her Sassy but we didn’t want a Sassy dog.  Ha……. She was rather Happy and Sassy so I guess there may be something to the power of names given.

Joy & Happy were born 6 months apart.  Joy liked having Happy around.  She now had a companion for when we went away from the house.

Beth never did like it if someone was lonely.  I guess Beth was made to consider other people’s loneliness.  She’s always had a heart that cared about that.

Joy & Happy were to be 13 years old this year.  Happy started getting pretty sick almost 2 years ago.  Happy was diagnosed with some sort of respiratory disorder.  It wasn’t pleasant watching her go through breathing problems and bathroom problems and troubles with vomiting. 

Beth ended up caring for Happy and becoming Happy’s owner because Bob was just too young to take on the full responsibility back when we first got Happy.  Bob always cared for both dogs but he was just too young to want to tend to their every need instead of doing things young boys wanted to do 13 years ago.  By the way he has his own dogs now.  J J

Beth kept taking Happy to see the Veterinarian.  She gave the dog medicine and helped me take care of the dogs when she was home.

Last April we found a home where some loving people said they’d take care of our sick little Happy because it was getting to be a major issue to continue cleaning up after Happy and to see her not be able to run any longer.  Beth had prayed asking God to keep her from having to put Happy down or anything like that.  Beth knew it was best for Happy and our household to have Happy be taken away but she didn’t want to do it herself.  She told me she had talked with God about taking care of the problem for her.  God took care of the problem. 

This last April Happy was given to the family that said they would take her even though she had been so sick for so long.  We left them money for food and for Veterinarian care for it was quite possible Happy would need help again before long.

Beth and Joy mourned heavily for Happy.  I felt sadness, too.  I was not as attached to the dog as her half sister and her master but I did care for Happy.  It took a little while for Beth to get over the loss of Happy.  We both cried but of course Beth and Joy cried even more than I did. 

Joy cried the most of all. Joy had lost her greatest happiness in life.  There were times that she went looking for her happiness by leaving the property.  It wasn’t normal for Joy to leave like that but she did.  She was so lost. 
 
Joy’s life had been turned upside down.  She is still comforted if someone is in the house but if we are ever gone for more than a few minutes or if she sees us leaving she goes into little fits of whining. 

She was separated from the one she loved most and then she was seeing other people she cared for leaving her. 

It rends the heart to talk about this because I know the pain of being separated from those you care about.  Many people know how sad this is.

It’s taken time but Joy is doing better.  Look! It’s been over three months and Joy is still showing signs of missing the one she loves. 

If you lose someone you love and you’ve never been through this kind of loss before don’t expect everything to get better instantly.  It usually doesn’t happen that way. 

I don’t know if Joy will ever be able to handle times of being alone now.  She is already an older dog and she has bad teeth and eyes. She has to learn to be alone sometimes because we really can’t take her everywhere.  She is adjusting.

No, I don’t plan on getting another dog for her.  I know that is what a lot of people do but all of those people don’t have allergies to certain animals.  I found out that Joy isn’t a dog that causes my eyes to get watery like Happy did but I don’t let Joy sleep with me any longer.  The fact that Joy doesn’t sleep in my bed helps the allergy problem a lot.  If she does get on the couch we have a blanker there that can be washed easily so the hair isn’t left on the couch causing me problems.  I found that the dirtier the dog is the worse the allergies are.  Happy seemed to be a dirtier dog than Joy was. I don’t want to take chances with another indoor dog if I don’t have to. 

The dog is important but I’ve always tried to teach my children that animals should never become more important than humans.  It is a pet peeve of mine to see people treat animals better than people.  I sincerely don’t think God planned for humans to serve animals.  Yeah,  I get some slack for my personal feelings on that matter.  If you’ve ever met someone that makes animals more important than humans you may understand how something seems out of whack if they go overboard with this behavior.

I started wrting about Joy losing her Happiness because of the way I’ve watched Joy go through this painful process of losing her half sister. 

The nice things about dogs is they do show so much care and love.  They can even hurt a lot like we do. 

In Proverbs it is said that a sluggard can learn by watching the ants.  Ants are dutiful little insects that carry loads that look too heavy for them to carry.  I believe we can learn from everything around us.

We can look at the way an animal like Joy attached herself to caring for and receiving care from her sister so much that when her sister was taken away she mourned.  She didn’t get over it in a day’s time. She didn’t forget about her loved one in a month’s time. 

So many people go through the process of losing a spouse or another family member and it seems as though other people think the mourning process ends in a month or two.  I don’t believe there can be a time limit placed on the time it takes to really mourn the one you love.

I still think of my grandfather and sister that died in 1975.  I haven’t forgotten about my son that died in 1983.  I have not forgotten my husband that left this earth in 2002.  I don’t think of each of them every day and I don’t build a memorial to help me keep from doing the things I must do even though they are no longer here but they are not totally forgotten.

I have not mourned as severely over them as I once did.  I do feel a certain amount of sorrow when I think of how great it seems it would be if Sue could be here to see my children and grandchildren and how nice it would have been for her to see her own and to be here for her own but I accept that which I certainly cannot change and know must not be changed. 

It works the same way for all of those loved ones that have left us.  We strive to go on accepting our lives without them.

There are few things we can say to people that have lost loved ones.  If we’ve been through our own set of mourning we know it’s a very sensitive time and it’s possible that even words that are shared with a good heart may not hit someone just the right way.  If we haven’t suffered the same kind of loss they are suffering we know there is even less we can say because we really don’t know what it’s like to go through what they are going through. 

Some things that I now think may be very helpful are to encourage them to rest instead of run.  Encourage them to be around people and things that help make them happy but also let them know it’s okay to have some quiet times.  Let them know they can call on you any time  if that is something you know you can handle.  Let them know you will pray for them asking God to help them every time He brings it to your mind.  Maybe the Lord will help you find ways to reach out to them.  It’s not easy to know what to do to help brighten their day but if you pray asking the Lord He may just let you have a special card to send their way at just the right time. 

Keep loving Jesus and hang in there!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Psalm 30:5

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

Note For My Friends

Thursday, November 13th, 2008

Just letting everyone know my main computer looks like it’s crashing.  I’ve lost a lot of personal information since it was stored on the main computer.  Some email addresses and some mailing addresses are lost.

I have printed most of the things published on this site and this site is still open so the things written on this site are at my disposal.  I did lose some of the work I began on the book I was working on.  I was not able to get it copied.  I still have the old work that was printed.

All is not lost but several things are lost.

Please keep it all in prayer.  My old computer was in the garage.  I am going to set it up but it is much slower so I don’t know how much work I can get done on it in a timely fashion.

Please pray for those that are without work.  Keep thinking of those who are dealing with loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, loss of homes & so on.

It may take me a while to get in touch with everyone I was most recently contacting by email.

All is not lost

Saturday, December 29th, 2007

I just wrote about losing this morning’s writing by somehow sending it somewhere into cyberspace.

What I wrote probably will not be written exactly the same way again.  It is lost. 

Later in the day I received a phone call from a tearful woman that lost her diamond ring.  This ring was very special to her.  She’s only been married a little over a year now and she couldn’t find her ring.  The last time I talked to her the ring wasn’t found.  Her sadness was waning but she let me know she was only feeling a little better. 

I remembered that I lost my diamond ring when my husband and I went away for our honeymoon.   The young woman’s phone call reminded me of the time that I lost my ring.  I never did find the ring.  It was probably lost in a large amusement park.  Yeah,  we went to an amusement park.  We rode on the roller coaster. We used to wonder if the ride on the coaster was responsible for how the diamond got lost.  

My ring was lost never to be found again. 

My husband didn’t have a fit of rage.  It sincerely didn’t bother him in any way that I recall.  He didn’t get angry at me declaring how much the ring cost.  He just went on with life as if it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

Oh, How I miss lessons like that.  He was such a good example of what really matters some times.

He was so right.  I still had him and he was more important than the ring.  The things I learned while living with him were very important, as well. 

I may have lost the ring but all was not lost. 

We spent our years living together, loving one another, and accepting many things we couldn’t change until the Lord called him home. 

When someone has a loved one die it is sometimes said they have lost that loved one.  Losing your marital partner is also more serious than losing a diamond ring or anything else money can buy. 

We, Christians, are to be reminded that even when we have one of the greatest losses a person has to endure all really isn’t lost. 

It may feel like it for a long time but all is not lost.

We are not to grieve like the rest when our loved ones go to be with the Lord.  We are to take comfort in the belief that they may be absent in the body but they are present with the Lord.

At our darkest hours when we feel life is so different and we really don’t like remembering what we’ve lost we have to keep walking.  We have to keep trusting in God to help us get through each day no matter how bad it feels.

Marriage is a partnership.  God’s Word says the two shall become one.  When two people are joined together by God He declares that no man shall put them asunder.  When death separates the two there is a great loss.

There is a great loss but all still is not lost.

In my case I can look back at all the lessons learned while my husband was alive.  Together we repeatedly learned to accept what we couldn’t change.  Now I have to do that without him by my side. 

I spent all those years learning with him.  My years have been enriched because of the time spent with him.  I may not have him any longer but I have the strength that comes from having been united with him for all that time.

Next time you lose something go ahead and try to look for it.  Take time to pray the prayer a dear friend of mine taught me to pray.  She said we should ask God to reveal what is hidden because His Word says He will reveal what is hidden.  Then after you have done all you can do if you still can’t find it wait on the Lord.

It is very possible you will find out that you can be happy without it if it is simply a material item,  or you will get the joy of having it returned to you in some miraculous way, or you may receive something even better than what you lost.

If you can find ways to see how all is not lost it could be helpful, too. 

If you have lost someone close to you it is my prayer that you will always be able to see that all the time you did have with your loved one is something to be treasured.  All the good lessons learned from your relationship with them can be kept within you. 

It is my prayer that the time will quickly come when you can remember the good times with a smile. 

God be with you all.

Written by Elizabeth Wolfe