The talk about divorce among Christians usually involves Scriptures being used to remind us that what God has joined together no man may put asunder. I’ve quoted and prayed that passage over many marriages for years. I was first married for 26 years knowing the value of two people joined together trying to make a happy home life & receiving it by the grace of God. My first husband died of a malignant set of brain tumors.
God did not intend for people to make vows before Him then for them to break those vows.
God did not intend for us to come before him breaking vows at any time.
What is a person to do if their spouse breaks vows to God and to the spouse?
God shows us in various places throughout the Bible that He wants us to do justly and to love mercy. He does want us to devotedly obey Him fulfilling the vows we made before Him. God is a God of commitment. What should a person do if they marry someone that doesn’t do things in a just manner? What if their partner is not very merciful at all?
God will not turn His back on you. God will not break His commitments. God won’t fail you. If you fail to fulfill your commitments to God He will deal with it. He dealt with people in the Bible that did not do what they said they would do. He gives people more than one chance in many cases. Just know that He is never deluded by man. God also knows when a person has truly done their best to fulfill their vows.
I have come to believe that God does not expect a Christian person to continually live with someone that won’t fulfill their commitments. If you are married to someone that doesn’t tell you the truth and you have found that they cannot be trusted to do the good things they said they would do then there is a one good reason to begin seeing if your relationship is worth salvaging. Seek Godly counsel. Read the Bible to see what lessons can be found within those pages.
I read today about the importance of trying to save a marriage. I’ve always been one that felt you should give it all you’ve got especially when it comes to marriage and more so if children are involved.
What if your spouse has open online accounts on meeting websites and he is stating that he isn’t married? – Easy answer for that one –> That is fraud. It is a spiritual form of adultery and lies. It is unfortunate but many people use the internet in wrong ways.
What if your spouse is abusive even if they only threaten to physically harm you? – Easy answer for that one –> No spouse should threaten to physically harm the other person. This is breaking the marriage covenant to care for the partner in a loving manner. Threats to harm someone are also forms of manipulation. Manipulation is a main concern if a man uses threats to try to cause the wife to fear him. The vows made before God and man have been broken. If your spouse is physically harming you then you do need to get out of the marriage unless there are quick positive changes that last for the remainder of the marriage. Do not become someone else’s punching bag.
What if your spouse isn’t honest with you about things and you find out that many of the things they told you before the marriage are not true? – The answer to this one isn’t so easy for some people but it’s very easy for others –> If you marry someone and they are not the person they pretended to be especially if they pretended to be a follower of the Lord you have been deceived. I’ve sought counsel from many Christian pastors about this. Pastors and Christian counselors I talked to told me a person is not bound in such circumstances. This is unfortunate but it is happening in many of the churches today. There are people that pretend to care about the things of God long enough to snag their catch. If the person you married does not show they have the fruit of the Holy Spirit showing up in your marital home behind closed doors you may try counseling but if the person does not show by their actions that they are truly walking with the Lord then you may want to seek a divorce.
Remember God is not a liar and He does not like deceit any more than decent Christian people like it.
There are a lot of things that can bring breakdown to the marriage. Many of these issues can be forgiven if both people are willing to work on those things. One spouse cannot make the other spouse stop being abusive. It is not right or fair for one spouse to always be taken advantage of while the other spouse acts like a tyrant.
Be aware that there are cunning and unkind people on this earth. It may be hard to comprehend how anyone could be so callous hearted that they would pretend to be loving and kind prior to a wedding and end up acting like mini dictators in their own homes after the vows have been made. It is even more ruthless if a person takes someone to church before and during the marriage and they even bother to pay tithes and put on a show at church only to end up acting like the devil when they get married. There are many women that can tell you about how they married a man that puts on a kind front before others and even before the church family but when they are at home he treats her with much disrespect. Thank the Lord Jesus that women are starting to speak out about this.
God does see all that is going on even when things happen behind the walls of a home.
Seek to correct anything you can correct. Look for ways to enjoy peace if it is at all possible. You may turn the other cheek a number of times only to find out that some people will not stop their abusive ways and the only way out is to pack your bags and go.
Divorce is not God’s original plan. No, God does not encourage His followers to get divorce. God does not want you to end up being someone else’s personal property to continually be abused either. Whether it is emotional, physical, financial, or some other kind of abuse know that God is not abusive. If the abuse comes in many forms you may be married to someone that has severe problems knowing how to show God’s love in a marital relationship. God does not want you to live like that. If you can be free from it get free from it.
It may also be very hard to understand but there are some people that are so selfish that they do bother to put on a false face so they can deceive as many people as they can including their fiance’. They will learn all they can about a person’s desires and they will make all kinds of promises based on what they know you want to hear. They will also pretend to be faithful and true until the day of the wedding. It does happen.
I met several women that told me they were abused by their husbands. Two of these women were a couple of decades older than I am. They both said it took them years to get out of the homes where they were being abused. Both of these women told me that they won’t put up with stuff like that now.
If you’ve gone through abuse you know how important it is to you personally to try to warn others that life is too short to live it in fear. You hope and pray that no one else will end up having to go through some of the things you’ve gone through. You also know that it is possible that someone else may fall into the traps you fell into.
All you can do is pray for others and find ways to keep moving forward.
If you see real changes in your partner and if they repeatedly prove by positive actions that they can and will do the right things then by all means give it your best shot to try to work things out. If on the other hand their track record is bad and they give you absolutely no hope of living the kind of life they promised you before our Living Lord then get out of it as quickly as possible.
Christians that go through divorce are not second class Christians. There are Christians that did not plan on getting a divorce. They were forced into the divorce when they found out they married someone that is continuously unfaithful to the marriage vows. They may have had to live in circumstances that many happily married couples cannot comprehend.
People that were in long time marriages do not always see how malicious some spouses are to their mates.
How would you feel if your mate was berating you on a regular basis and if you confronted them about it they turned on you saying you were the one that was doing the things they had done that are wrong? Be aware of the fact that some people have personality disorders that prevent them from having a healthy relationship with other people. You are not to blame if your mate has a personality disorder. People with a personality disorder are not aware that their thought or behavior patterns are inappropriate. They may not seek help on their own and if they do they may not be honest with the counselor they’ve chosen. People with such disorders tend to believe their problems are caused by other people or by things beyond their control. This is why they are sometimes masters at tossing blame at other people rather than admitting their own wrongs.
How would you feel if they tried to make you question the very words that came out of your mouth? This is another form of manipulation and control.
What if your friends, close family members, and Christian friends were concerned for your welfare when they heard how you were being treated by our spouse? If the majority of people that are close to you are concerned for your welfare there must a be a good reason for this.
What if you told your spouse that and then they always copied what you said? There are all kinds of personality disorders even borderline personality disorders. Be mindful of the fact that you cannot change another person’s personality. If they treat you in a manner that is not the way God wants people treated and if they don’t seem to be able to control themselves then you probably don’t have a choice but to get out of the marriage.
What if you spouse not only lied to you but you knew your spouse lied to their family about you? It’s understood that it will be most difficult to have a joy filled family life if your spouse can’t be trusted to tell the truth.
What if you sought help and you called on friends for help when abuse started and you were told by your spouse that you were just trying to hurt them?
Who can live happily like that? The answer to this last question is no one can live happily like that.
It has often been said that we should not criticize someone if we have not walked in their shoes.
If you have not been through a divorce then be thankful. If you have not had to live with an abusive husband then be thankful.
If you meet someone in church that is going through a divorce or if they have gone through a divorce pray for them. Pray that God will help them be healed of the terrible things they may have gone through.
If you find out that someone is living in an abusive situation encourage them to seek wise counsel.
God is not limited. God should not be put in a box. Do your best to keep from limiting how God may tell a person to handle what they are going through.
It’s true that many divorces come just because of hardness of heart. There are some people that are so hard hearted they just don’t know how to show God’s love enough to handle a marital relationship properly.
It still takes three in a marriage. God’s love being shown by two people will keep a marriage strong and blessed. If one of the people in the marriage does not conform to God’s way of handling things then the cord of three strands is broken.
If only one of the people in the marriage tells the truth at all times then the bond of marriage is broken. If only one person in the marriage remains faithful then the bond of marriage is broken.
The bonds that are broken can only be repaired if the offending spouse stops breaking commitments they’ve made. If they refuse to fulfill their commitment to God to be an honest caring individual at all times then how can they fulfill their commitment to their spouse?
It has always been a belief of mine that God can heal anyone of any problem. God can heal marriages, too. Just recall that some people like being the way they are if they are actively abusive and artful at being a manipulator. Other people really need a miracle healing within themselves before they can faithfully show God’s love to a marital partner.
This was written for personal therapy. It was also written to help other Christians focus on the fact that God does not like divorce but surely He does not like injustice either.
The best thing a Christian woman can do when her husband is abusive to her is for her to call on fellow Christians to pray. God can heal anything. God can even heal the abusive man if he will be honest and take the right steps to correct things. If he does not correct things then he proves he has no desire to follow the ways of right living.
Be aware of the fact that abusive men don’t want the woman to tell anyone how horrible he acted. It is his main objective to keep her in a form of captivity.