2. To increase the gravity or intensity of:
“a scene . . . that exasperates his rose fever and makes him sneeze” (Samuel Beckett).
[
Latin exasper
re, exaspert- :
ex-,
intensive pref.; see
ex- +
asperre,
to make rough (from
asper,
rough).]
God’s Word tells a parent that they should train up their children to know the Lord. His Word also tells us in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
It is easier for me to see how important it is to keep from making your children too rough now that I am older. I wish I had been softer and gentler than I was at times. I’m consoled knowing I did the best I could do. I just want to try to pass on the things I’ve learned so maybe other parents can put the good things from the Bible into practice so their children will be immensely blessed by God’s way of doing things.
I do recall telling my sons that they should make sure they never let me (their Mother) to become more important in their lives than their wives. I think that is the best advice a parent can give to their children. I’ve known of men that made their parent’s advice and way of doing things so important that they missed the blessing (at least for a while) of learning how to do things God’s way making a united decision with their mate as God planned for things to go. Women have been guilty of having the same problem. I also taught my daughters that they should submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. Please recall that as unto the Lord (in my opinion & in the opinions of many Bible teachers I’ve heard) does not mean the man acts like an overbearing tyrant that treats his wife’s opinion with contempt. The woman is not to become like a puppet on a string.
I believe that men and women of God that are married should heed God’s Word by making sure they not only teach their children the Scriptures but they live out what the Scriptures say.
Parents, Are you encouraging your married children to cleave to their mates or are you sticking your nose in where it does not belong? Parents, Have you fulfilled your obligation to love your married children so much that you quit trying to take on your married children’s obligations? Do you believe you could be a hindrance to your adult married children’s relationship if you encourage your children to tell you personal things about their mates and then undermine the bond that God wants them to have with one another?
I would expect all parents to help their married children by giving them good Scriptural advice if they see their child or grandchildren are being abused by the mate they’ve chosen to marry. I’m against abuse and believe God even allows us to use the present laws of our land for protection if and when it is needed.
I’ve been reminded lately that a parent with married children shows the love they have for their children best if they butt out of their married child’s affairs. How can you love your child if you are not following the Word of God by releasing them to their mate and releasing them into God’s capable hands as you should? How are you showing faith in God to provide your adult children with the guidance He wants them to take if you are giving them advice that He did not intend for you to give them? How do you expect your adult married children or grandchildren to learn to rely on God if they are still relying on you when it is Scripturally incorrect for you to be that strongly involved in their lives?
I am not saying it is wrong to be helpful to your family members. It is always good to be led by God’s Holy Spirit in helping others especially those in your own family. I’m just sharing things I had to learn the hard way about minding your own business as God wants you to do.
I Thessalonians 4:11, “And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;”
Some translations say something like: lead a quiet life and mind your own business. Sounds like good advice to me. I pray I can follow that advice better now and in the future.
I’ve also come to believe that once an adult child leaves the parent’s home to marry &/or remarry it is the parent’s responsibility to learn to let go of that child. They would naturally pray for the child. It just seems best if they recall that their adult married child is no longer under their covering. When the adult child leaves the parental covering finding their own mate or even taking on the wrong behavior of living with a person out of wedlock the parent(s) are released from all forms of responsibility to that child except for the things we are happy to do called owing them nothing but love.
Some parents are exasperated by their children because their children or grandchildren start to act like the parents owe them more than what they’ve received already. This behavior should not be rewarded in my opinion.
Colossians 3:22“Servants obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart fearing God;”
There came a time in my own life when an adult child of mine left our home due to her own disobedience. She did not want to obey the rules of the household. We were encouraged by Bible teachers and by our own personal convictions that the oldest daughter was no longer able to abide in our home since she refused to follow the household guidelines.
I wasn’t sure at first if we were doing the right thing. It sounds so bad to have to tell your own child that they are no longer welcome in your home because they won’t follow the rules. When they are adults you have little room for debate.
It was amazing how Christian radio stations were airing the messages we needed to hear right when we needed those messages. Tough love messages were coming forth. People that studied the Word of God were confirming that parents sometimes had to get so tough on their adult children they would have to send them away from home when those adult children would become rebels.
There were others that did not understand our actions. There were family members that seemed to attack us as if they felt we were doing the wrong thing by casting our adult daughter out of our home. Those family members didn’t know what it was to have an adult child act the way our daughter was acting and they didn’t listen to our personal feelings about how wrong it is for a child to be abusive to the parents that had lovingly done all they could to help their child become a responsible adult. I did feel as though I was raked over the coals for doing what I believed was the right thing to do. I won’t tell how awful the daughter had started to act because she has repented in several ways for her wrong behavior and that is part of her past. I’m just mentioning this so others can be reminded that there may be times when you stand up for what you believe in and it may look very wrong to those that do not understand tough love. It is also mentioned because of the fact that an adult child may pull themselves out from under the loving covering that God intends for them to have. As a parent you are left to choose wheter you will try to be your adult child’s savior or whether you will release that adult child to do as they please even though it gives you great pain to see it happen.
It is so easy for other people to criticize you for doing what you believe is right. It’s easy for them to say how they’d handle things when they are not the ones being abused. Each person must do what they believe is right. We can’t be menpleasers and God pleasers at the same time.
Do you know what? We did what we believed was right even though others didn’t understand it. They were not living in our home and they were not the ones being abused. They also did not understand the way that I felt God was telling us that He did not want us to help her in her destructive ways. One of my favorite Scriptures comes to mind when I think of parents dealing with their adult married children.
Romans 8:14, ”For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.”
It’s not easy being a parent. You know you will always love your child. Please just love them enough to let them go especially once they’ve married. Trust God to help them learn the lessons they need to learn. Trust God to meet their needs when you pray for them. Don’t give them too much lest they become dependent on you instead of dependent on God and interdependent on their mate united in a way that God wants them united. If you love God you will obey Him. If you love your children you will teach them to do things His way. It is clearly stated in the old and the new testaments that the married couple is to leave the parents. That has taken on new meaning for me now that I’ve seen the importance of a parent’s obligation to leave their children alone once they are married as well as the adult married child’s responsibility to cleave to their new mate.
Recall these Scriptures:Genesis 2:23-25 (King James Version23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh25And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.Matthew 19:4-6 (King James Version)4And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,5And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.Mark 10:6-8 (King James Version)6But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.Ephesians 5:30-32 (King James Version)30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
It is no wonder there are so many divorces even within the body of Christ when you think of all the ways some parents and grandparents don’t do what God is showing them must be done. If the parents won’t quit sticking their noses in where they don’t belong then the married man and woman must find a way to break away from letting their own parents or other people from dominating their lives.
Married Women of God, Do you quickly run to your parents for advice when you have problems with your mate? Don’t you think you can find some good Scriptural advice or counseling from a good pastor’s wife that follows the ways of the Lord? Married Men of God, Do you tell personal problems you have with your wife to other people or to your parents or siblings? Don’t you think you are able to find Scriptural advice from some other source? Don’t you both think it’s best to first go on your knees before the Lord together in prayer asking God to guide you?
When you help your mate you are helping yourself. When you harm your mate you are harming yourself.
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